Captain Paul Watson’s Message to Patriarch Duck Dunce

Wikimedia Commons

Source Exposing the Big Game as taken from Captain Watson’s facebook page

My Message to the Patriarch Duck Dunce, from one so-called reality TV star to another:

Captain Paul Watson of Animal Planet’s Whale Wars sends a message to Phil Robertson of A&E’s Duck Dynasty.

Dear Phil,

I am confused. How can you equate homosexuality with bestiality? You’re hardly in a position to say such a thing when your business is manufacturing duck mating calls that essentially declare that you want to fuck a duck.

You are flirting with bestiality, Phil.

You not only seduce defenseless, innocent ducks, you kill them when they approach you. Sort of reminds me of Ted Bundy.

You are also seducing ducks through fraudulent behavior. Essentially, you are lying to the ducks. And you’re peddling duck seduction devices in a quack-pot scheme to enrich yourself on the suffering and death of hundreds of thousands of innocent ducks.

I picked up a copy of the New Testament to see what Jesus Christ, or any of the disciples, had to say about gay men and women. Incredibly I discovered that they never said anything at all about homosexuality. Jesus did however condemn the rich, and you, Phil Robertson, are rich, and I also do recall something in the tablets that Moses brought down from the mountain about not killing. It did not say thou shall not kill other human beings, it said, “Thou shall not kill.”

It seems to me that Jesus would have been more compassionate towards a gay man than to a rich man. So I think that Jesus would be more comfortable listening to Elton John than hearing your shotguns dropping his Father’s children from the sky.

Now I know that it’s common for some Christians to cite Leviticus, but if you believe Leviticus, you need to go all the way, selling daughters into slavery, and smiting and stoning and hating everyone that believes in something different than you do. But then, again, I may be wrong but I recall that Jesus Christ came with a new message – one of love and forgiveness, compassion and kindness.

I can’t see Jesus defending war nor can I see him denying help to the poor. Nor can I see him spewing hatred for gays.

True, Christianity can be a very beautiful thing – when practiced, but unfortunately it is rarely practiced.

As for going to hell, Phil, everyone goes to hell because if you do not believe in the Catholic faith you will go to Catholic hell, and likewise, Catholics will go to Protestant hell. From the way the various denominations have laid claim on heaven and hell everyone is going to someone’s hell.

But what I really don’t get is this. Why do people, and especially so-called Christians get all upset about gay people? How does gay marriage affect them? Why do they make it their business to interfere with the happiness of other people? Why does this threaten some people?

I mean, Phil, how does gay marriage get in the way of you murdering ducks for dollars?

They certainly are not out there in the swamp gunning down what you consider your ducks and cracking red-neck jokes. There is simply no Godly reason they should be annoying you, Phil unless, well, unless you have had some inclination towards temptation in that particular direction of choice, Phil, and you are feeling guilty about your unspoken desires.

And as for freedom of speech, well, by all means you are free to have your bigoted opinions and no one is denying that. Your problem is that you broadcasted your bigoted opinions on television, and as such you must suffer the opinions of people who disagree with you and find your opinions to be vile and hateful.

A &E simply exercised their right to express their disagreement with your bigoted views. All those people you are saying are intolerant of your right to free speech are simply expressing their free speech to denounce your hateful rhetoric.

Of course you have Sarah Palin defending you. Good luck with that, Phil.

Do you think that if I were to make racist statements about the Japanese that Animal Planet would not take me off the air? Of course they would, and they would be right to do so. Our fight is with whalers who happen to be Japanese. Sometimes they are Norwegians. The point is we don’t condemn anyone on racial or cultural grounds and racism should never be tolerated, especially on the airwaves.

Phil, I don’t like you. It’s not because you’re white, supposedly Christian, or seemingly heterosexual, or that you have a strange and violent sexual relationship with ducks. I don’t like you because you’re a bigot and I don’t like you for murdering ducks.

The bottom line is you exercised your right to free speech and now you are suffering the consequences. The Constitution guarantees your right to free speech, it does not guarantee your right to not be held responsible for what you say.

You are free to continue making bigoted and hateful comments. No one is going to toss you into jail for it. That is what it means by freedom of speech.

You are, however, dreaming if you think that what you say does not have consequences. Enjoy your freedom of speech because you are going to have to pay for it – with consequences.

Oh, and by the way, stop seducing and murdering ducks.

I’ll leave you with a little song I heard from a little girl the other day:

“Be kind to your animal friends,
For a duck may be somebody’s mother”

Yea, I know that is way beyond your comprehension of empathy, but I’m sure, Phil, that if you repent for your sins of bigotry and lust for ducks that Jesus will forgive you.

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there once was a duck hunter named phil.
who probably wrote the book on twisted
and morally ill.
he dissed people who are gay,
sure wish he would go away.
the world has no use for his
inane and mindless swill!

Karen Lyons Kalmenson